Sunday, July 15, 2018

Lies That I Have Told My Characters

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When I write a story there is some element of my past in it. Not all of them but a lot of them are based on something that has happened to me or something that I believe strongly about. I have also noticed that subconciously, I have also added lies that I grew up believing.

Lie number 1 - Crying means you are weak.
We have all heard this saying in one form or another. Sometimes its "Grown men don't cry" or "Crying is a sign of weakness" or "Crying shows the world that it is getting to you." or "You are too old to cry."

THESE ARE ALL LIES. I am 33 years old. I have been happily married for almost 10 years and guess what. I have cried and I have seen my husband cry. It is okay to cry, the only thing that it proves is that you have emotions and feelings. I was told at a young age (by someone no longer in my life) that only babies cry. I believed it. I never cried where people could see me and eventually didn't cry at all. I just bottled it up inside. When I was 18 I had my son. When I held my son for the first time, I cried. I feel like I have cried more since that day than I ever had. I have cried tears of joy, sadness, frustration, anger, empathy, sympathy, and helplessness. I cried two days ago. My son was in the ER because of a bad skateboard accident. As my mom and the nurse were scrubbing gravel out of his skin, he was in tears. I cried because my baby (ok he is 15 but still) was in so much pain and there was nothing I could do but hold his hand.

Lie number 2 - Bad things happen to everyone. Suck it up.
Yes, bad things happen to people, but you know what? That doesn't make it ok. When I was little, I was molested by a family friend. I remember people telling me that it's okay because bad things happen all the time.  My motto for a long time was suck it up and move on. I didn't let myself feel the emotions that came with the bad things like hurt, anger, or pain. I just pushed it aside and moved on as if it never happened.

Now that I am an adult and a parent, I am realizing that this wasn't exactly a healthy way of dealing with things. Go ahead and feel all of those feelings. Recognize them for what they are and work through them.

Lie number 3 - Suicide is selfish
I am not a suicidal person. I am very content with my life. It's not perfect, but it's mine and I love it. But I wasn't always so happy. I never made any attempts to act on it, but I have had thoughts like "would they be better off without me?" to push these thoughts out of my mind, I told myself that suicide was selfish.

Then I met my best friend. When we met I was 16. This friend had a bad past and was truly suicidal. I spent a lot of nights talking my friend out of following through. I recently found out that this friend acutally succeeded a long time ago and was brought back by EMT's. This friend is the least selfish person I know. This friend helped me through as many tough times as I helped them. This friend would give you the shirt off of their back in the freezing cold just to help you.

Suicide is not selfish. Yes, it does hurt those around the person, but sometimes the suicidal person is thinking about the other people in their life. They don't want to be a burdon any longer to their friends and loved ones. For some people it is the only way out of their situation.  It is serious issue and should be taken seriously.

Sometimes suicide attempts or thoughts are signs of a much larger issue. If you know somone that you believe is suicidal or if you are, call the hotline and get help. The number is :1-800-273-8255.

Were you told anything as a child that you found out later you believed differently? Let me know in the comments below.

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